“It is at our greatest adversity can we truly rise beyond our own capabilities.”
We are never truly prepared for heartaches. We are never ready, no matter how many preparations we make. When it hits us, it takes everything and leaves nothing. People around us advice us to move on and find someone better. But what they do not realize is that moving on means leaving something behind. It is not just emotional pain that we suffer from. It is mental, it is physical.
You see, when you are with someone, you develop certain traits, behaviors and mannerisms that is bound to remind you of him. You develop a certain comfort zone where you feel safe, loved and most importantly, happy. You get used to grabbing your phone waiting for a message or a call; a message that will never again come, a voice that most probably never again be heard speak in a certain tone. You get used to sharing your day with him, laughing together at each other’s silliness and petty mistakes, enjoying what you experienced that day together. And such experiences will have to be cherished alone.
That is the most painful part of moving on. You would not just have to forget him. You are bound to forget a part of you, a part that you once truly cherished, enjoyed and loved. It is like being asked to change a treasured part of yourself, of who you are, of what you are, and of how you have become. To top it off, you never did want to change everything and anything in the first place.
There were actions taken that should not have been taken, words that should never have been said, and emotions that never should have been neglected. It pains to see how far it has gone, for everything to be thrown away so easily without remorse or any intentions and attempts to fix and win back what was lost. It adds to the pain, the pain of being set aside for somebody else. And it doubles when you realize that the person you cared for the most, the person you loved dearly could do such a thing. All that is left is to mourn in self pity, and realize that life has taken an awful turn, played a cruel joke and a heartless prank. To be given such hope and faith for all those times only to be taken away from you in an instant.
There are no words to describe such bittersweet emotions, the pain, the misery. I believe that there exist no word for it because it could only cause and add more pain to describe it. It comes and goes as it pleases. Just when you think that you are already okay, when you are already barely getting by, it will hit you hard again. The memories of the past with its corresponding emotions suddenly stings. You suddenly cannot help but smile as you remember those joyful moments of what once was. And as fast as the smile crept, your smile turns into that familiar pain from burning tears. For the sole reason that you know that they are just memories, all but memories of what has been lost in time. Then you realize, as you lie awake all throughout the night how much you hope that the nightmare would simply end as quietly as the night itself.
All that is left is for you to pick yourself up piece by piece. Like a child learning to walk, you stand and brace yourself for the oncoming storm that is yet to pass. You begin to admit how painful it all was. You admit that the storm has taken away what you have held dearly. You admit to yourself that it is truly over. And even if he comes back with tears rolling down his cheeks, with his loving heart worn on his sleeves; you realize that he is no longer the man you once loved; no longer is he the man who will stand with you in the rain. He is no longer the man whose smile took away all your pain. He is no longer the one man who stopped time. All he is now is the man who broke your heart, the man who left you to suffer what seemed to be the world’s greatest pain alone. He has suddenly turned into a mere memory of a now distant stranger who used to mean the whole world to you.
Alas, you accept the reality that nothing can take back anything that he has stolen.see, when you are with someone, you develop certain traits, behaviors and mannerisms that is bound to remind you of him. You develop a certain comfort zone where you feel safe, loved and most importantly, happy. You get used to grabbing your phone waiting for a message or a call; a message that will never again come, a voice that most probably never again be heard speak in a certain tone. You get used to sharing your day with him, laughing together at each other’s silliness and petty mistakes, enjoying what you experienced that day together. And such experiences will have to be cherished alone.
That is the most painful part of moving on. You would not just have to forget him. You are bound to forget a part of you, a part that you once truly cherished, enjoyed and loved. It is like being asked to change a treasured part of yourself, of who you are, of what you are, and of how you have become. To top it off, you never did want to change everything and anything in the first place.
There were actions taken that should not have been taken, words that should never have been said, and emotions that never should have been neglected. It pains to see how far it has gone, for everything to be thrown away so easily without remorse or any intentions and attempts to fix and win back what was lost. It adds to the pain, the pain of being set aside for somebody else. And it doubles when you realize that the person you cared for the most, the person you loved dearly could do such a thing. All that is left is to mourn in self pity, and realize that life has taken an awful turn, played a cruel joke and a heartless prank. To be given such hope and faith for all those times only to be taken away from you in an instant.
There are no words to describe such bittersweet emotions, the pain, the misery. I believe that there exist no word for it because it could only cause and add more pain to describe it. It comes and goes as it pleases. Just when you think that you are already okay, when you are already barely getting by, it will hit you hard again. The memories of the past with its corresponding emotions suddenly stings. You suddenly cannot help but smile as you remember those joyful moments of what once was. And as fast as the smile crept, your smile turns into that familiar pain from burning tears. For the sole reason that you know that they are just memories, all but memories of what has been lost in time. Then you realize, as you lie awake all throughout the night how much you hope that the nightmare would simply end as quietly as the night itself.
All that is left is for you to pick yourself up piece by piece. Like a child learning to walk, you stand and brace yourself for the oncoming storm that is yet to pass. You begin to admit how painful it all was. You admit that the storm has taken away what you have held dearly. You admit to yourself that it is truly over. And even if he comes back with tears rolling down his cheeks, with his loving heart worn on his sleeves; you realize that he is no longer the man you once loved; no longer is he the man who will stand with you in the rain. He is no longer the man whose smile took away all your pain. He is no longer the one man who stopped time. All he is now is the man who broke your heart, the man who left you to suffer what seemed to be the world’s greatest pain alone. He has suddenly turned into a mere memory of a now distant stranger who used to mean the whole world to you.
Alas, you accept the reality that nothing can take back anything that he has stolen.
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