Building Blocks

Kids learn their ABCs through building blocks.
So do I. Only, it’s the ABCs of love.

A

Apple. That sinful object that mankind was warned not to take a bite of. That one thing that screwed up both Adam and Snowhite.
B

Boy. Really now, like I need to say more…

C

Cry. It’s what us girls seem to be fond of doing (consciously or otherwise) both for the wonderful and spiteful things that unfold in relationships.

D

Dog. May be held synonymous for Boy, depending on the turn of events that have unfolded after we Cry.

E

Emo. Although I have not completely grasped the exact definition of this term, it’s a big enough word to deal with (of course) being emotional, anxious, agitated, neurotic, paranoid, temperamental… and all the other pathetic frustrations we go through after being heart broken. You get the picture.

F

F*ck(ed). It’s either you get it, you feel it, or you’re just it. Take your pick.

G
H

Hot. Could be an adjective that tempts you to get into something (a supposed relationship?!) with someone (a Boy, nonetheless) because you feel just THAT (hot) at some point, believing that that someone (yes, that Boy – is there any other?!) will stick around because he seems to think so too.

I

Ignorant. What we’re usually guilty of being the moment we turn deaf and blind for the sake of “saving” the relationship with that Boy.

J

Judgment. Or the lack thereof the moment we (consciously or otherwise) become Ignorant.

K

Kiss. What we usually/ actually / eventually / ____ (go on, feel free to fill in the blank) fall for / look forward to / miss / ____ (again, feel free to fill in the blank…)

L

Love. Heck. Go figure.

M

Memories. A.k.a. Left-overs. And just like food, it could be good or bad; bittersweet, just right or spoiled; best preserved (at least for a certain time – like wine) or best thrown away.

N

O

P

Pain. It’s the sting that tugs in the deepest part of you. Where exactly it’s located, I have yet to pinpoint. But it’s there, it’s always there, ready to tug at your heart, shake you to the core and F*ck everything else when you thought you’re already getting by just fine. It could usually be brought about by Memories you stupidly (intentionally or otherwise) go back to.

Q
R

Rose. Beautiful things, really. Takes a special seat in Memories. (I leave it up to you to choose if it’s bittersweet or spoilt left-over.)

S

Stupid. Please refer to Ignorant. Although there actually is a hairline that separates the two, when it comes to relationships, it usually seems synonymous, which ever way you look at it to the point that it could even be used interchangeably. At least that’s how I’d like to see it.

Z Y X W V U T

I have yet to complete my ABCs.

I’ve only come up with quite a number of nasty words to fill them. Those are what I’ve learned so far. Or at least, those are the words that run amuck in my head, what with what I’ve gone through with my last failed relationship.

So don’t spite me if I sound like a bitter bitch. I’m heart-broken. Yes, I’m past the denial stage. And I’d like to think I’m actually on my way to acceptance. I’m learning. And I’m taking my time learning. It’s the only luxury I could afford right now.

And like a learning child, I am building my blocks - - around me. I’m still vulnerable… badly bruised and shaken.

I am hoping that by the time I finish learning my ABCs, there would be more pleasant words to fill in the missing letters. It would even be nice if I’d learn better words to replace the ones I have right now. Maybe by then, I would have finally accepted everything. My heart would have finally healed. And hopefully, the blocks I’d be learning to build, is of a beautiful relationship with a Boy who will share a life with me, building Memories we’ll both look back at until our last breathing moment.