"It must be humbling to pull all those strings and find out they’re attached to nothing."
Do you smell the budding scent of fear?
It creeps slowly in the back of the mind,
Gently teasing what little sanity you have left,
Alas, leaving you frozen in time.
Do you relish what you have in your hands?
You paint a picture of a charmed life,
Yet grasping far out to an unfeeling lover,
Thus, running after a wretched strife.
Do you breathe such gleaming hatred for me?
The belief of my mere existence saunters,
Drowning you in a lake of ruined future,
Lest, living a life in solitary anger.
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2 comments:
hey there...my heart just bled once again (well, my fault.) and you're the best person i would want to share my sentiments..
anyway, i came across my ex's account in multiply. i read one of her blogs. she wrote a poem about her and my ex. and it seemed that my ex is such a good guy now. he's doing what a bf should actually be doing. something i never quite experience when we were still together. and it hit me again, that, am i not really the gf material? in a sense that i can be pampered and all that? it seems like im doomed to be a "trial gf" forever. someone they can experiment on how and what they can do in a relationship. im soo pissed right now.
well, you can slap me for being stupid. hehe. i know, i can be really stupid. how i wish there is an easy way out of this. i don't think having a new flame is one. and really, i dont want to have one right now... im too fragile to be in a relationship at the moment.
maybe, i still need to hear it from him (ex). his sincere apology for breaking my heart and all. do you think that it's still plausible for him to do such? hrmm..it's been months already..but no him. no apologies. nothing...
hey sweetheart.
yes, maybe you need that from him. then again, maybe you don't.
i used to think so too. but when he did actually apologize for being such a jerk, i still felt unusually empty. and the closure i've been wanting still remained elusive.
here's how i see it dear, the closure has to come from nobody else but us. it's the same as reading the phrase "the wait is over" in a different light. it's over when we say it's over, and that time is the time we decide to fianlly stop waiting -- for anything from them.
if it's any consolation though, do not believe what you see, lest what you read from such "relationship portraits" (my term for those online accounts). they aren't usually the real thing. take it from me, it's the same with my ex and his girl.
she has been snooping around my turf. read all my august entries. then again, that other 'anonymous comment' should prove my point, that's her. as much as i'd like to dish out the details of how i found out about it, i'll just fill you in with the whole picture. she has taken control of one of his internet account and posted their "beautiful relationship" while hounding my life through my ex. pathetic, really.
you see, you don't fall short of being worthy of him. oh but he has. it's cliche, but, you know that you deserve better. and you don't need any explanation for that. you deserve better. enough said.
hope to hear from you again soon.
i'm just around.
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